Why Am I So Anxious All the Time?

If Your Anxiety Is Getting Louder as You Age, You're Not Imagining It.

There are many reasons that anxiety can feel more pronounced as we get older: changes in hormones, more demands on our time, caring for kids and aging parents, more physical complaints and fears, along with the reality that our brains also change as we get older.

Though beneath all of this is often years of pushing through overwhelm and challenging emotional experiences. That kind of pushing through can significantly escalate anxiety.

Some people regulate their anxiety by staying busy and over-committing, and for many, this fully scheduled calendar is a reflection of a full and successful life.

In recent reading on anxiety and aging, one article suggested improving sleep habits and increasing exercise, and I fully support both, but if you have kept yourself busy or pushed through in an effort to manage overwhelm and uncomfortable emotions, you're likely doing so without much conscious awareness.

For a while that seems to work, until it doesn't.

Interestingly, anxiety doesn't increase for everyone as they age. Some people become more settled, more accepting, and less reactive over time. In my experience, one thing often makes the difference. Whether difficult life experiences have been processed and integrated. When grief, trauma, or other painful experiences remain largely unattended, the nervous system continues carrying that burden. Over time, it can become increasingly difficult to keep pushing past what has never been fully addressed.

Most People Hear What They're Able to Hear

I was reading a book on rest written by a physician, and she said, "People hear what they want to hear." At one time, I would have agreed, but now I see it from a more compassionate position.

Most people hear what they're able to hear.

Meaning, they don't intentionally deny or block out what they're told, but when they hear information that feels frightening, overwhelming, or threatening, they may minimize the gravity of what they're hearing. Sometimes denial is part of that process. Not because someone is weak or unwilling to face reality, but because their nervous system doesn't yet have the capacity to fully process what is being presented to them.

When Old Protective Strategies Outlive Their Usefulness

Our systems are wise. We all develop defenses and protective strategies to help us survive difficult experiences. Many of these strategies serve us well when we're young, but they often continue long after they're needed.

Over time, continually pushing through difficult experiences without fully processing them can create a growing sense of overwhelm. For many people, anxiety is one of the ways that overwhelm begins to show itself.

I offer something different to help with that.

I use Lifespan Integration to gently expand a person's capacity to process difficult emotions, and much of that work happens behind the scenes. People often begin noticing they can sit with hard feelings a little longer. They feel less overwhelmed by difficult conversations, unexpected challenges, or emotions that previously felt too intense.

As capacity expands, anxiety often begins to fade.

Anxiety Is Often Trying to Tell Us Something

In my experience, anxiety is not the enemy. More often, it's an indication that something else needs our attention and the anxiety is alerting us to that.

However, anxiety is uncomfortable, and most people understandably focus on trying to get rid of it rather than exploring why it might be there or why it seems to be increasing over time.

Think of it as an engine light on your car. The goal isn't simply to make the light disappear. The goal is to understand what it's trying to tell you.

When we focus only on managing anxiety, we can miss the opportunity to understand what our nervous system may be asking us to pay attention to.

There Can Be Another Path

If any of this resonates with you, I offer anxiety therapy for those who are noticing their anxiety increasing and finding it difficult to calm down.

Reach out for a free 20-minute consultation and let's see if we're a good fit.

With care,
Jacquelyn

Written by Jacquelyn Baker
Space for Grief — Renton, WA
In-person & online therapy across Washington