Instead of Resolutions: Entering the New Year with Gentleness
The turn of a new year often arrives carrying a familiar message:
Start fresh. Do better. Fix what didn’t work.
For many people—especially those who are grieving, anxious, or worn down by a long year of holding it together—that message can feel more exhausting than hopeful. Grief and anxiety often intensify at the beginning of a new year, particularly for those who have experienced loss or prolonged stress.
December is a demanding month. It asks a lot, both personally and professionally. There are gatherings to navigate, memories stirred, expectations—spoken and unspoken—to meet. By the time January arrives, many people feel depleted, even if they’re relieved the holidays are over.
And yet, the cultural pressure is to pivot quickly: set goals, make resolutions, chart a better path forward.
But grief, trauma, and anxiety don’t respond well to urgency or pressure. They don’t resolve through effort or willpower. Often, they ask for something quieter—something much softer.
When “fixing” isn’t what we need
In my work as a grief and trauma therapist, I see how common it is for people to meet pain with determination—as if the underlying message is: try harder, push through, figure things out. This response often becomes more pronounced at the start of a new year, especially for people navigating grief and anxiety.
This makes sense. It’s how many learned to survive.
But there are seasons—particularly after loss or prolonged stress—when pushing forward only creates more strain. Anxiety often increases after the holidays not because something is wrong, but because the nervous system is tired. When the structure of the season drops away, what has been held at bay begins to surface.
This isn’t a failure of discipline. It’s a signal.
Trying softer
What if, instead of resolutions, this year began with permission?
Permission to notice where you actually are.
Permission to move more slowly.
Permission to listen rather than immediately fix.
Trying softer doesn’t mean giving up or losing momentum. It means allowing space for reflection, for honesty, and for what hasn’t yet had room to be felt. In trauma-informed therapy, healing and integration tend to happen through attention and care—not force.
For many people, anxiety, restlessness, fatigue, or emotional flatness at the beginning of the year are signs that something inside is asking to be met with curiosity rather than correction. These experiences are often how grief and trauma live in the body, even when we don’t consciously connect them to loss.
Gentle questions to begin the year
Instead of goals or resolutions, you might consider carrying a few gentle questions with you as this year begins. These aren’t questions to answer quickly—or at all—but invitations to notice what’s true.
What feels tender as this year begins?
What am I still carrying from last year?
Where do I feel most depleted—and what would not make that worse?
What does my anxiety seem to be asking for right now?
What would “trying softer” look like in one small place?
You don’t need clarity or certainty. In therapy for grief, trauma, or anxiety, staying open to questions like these often helps expand emotional capacity and soften the nervous system over time.
A different kind of beginning
The new year doesn’t have to be a reset. It can be a continuation—a gentle one—where you bring forward what you’ve learned about your limits, your needs, and your capacity.
If you’re feeling anxious, tired, or unsure as this year begins, you’re not alone. Support that honors both grief and anxiety can help create steadiness without pressure, and anxiety therapy, may be a helpful place to start.
Sometimes the most meaningful beginnings start with listening.
With care and compassion,
Jacquelyn
Written By Jacquelyn Baker
Space for Grief — Renton, WA
In-person & online therapy across Washington
