Anniversaries, Anxiety, and What the Body Remembers
Some anniversaries leave an imprint that time doesn’t erase. The day associated with a loss can stir heaviness, anxiety, or a sense of restlessness, often catching people off guard.This can be confusing, especially for those who’ve done meaningful grief work and don’t expect to feel so disrupted years later.
When Anxiety Is a Signal, Not a Setback
Anxiety around anniversaries is often misunderstood as regression or unresolved grief. More often, it reflects how much the body is still holding when a loss is remembered.
Our nervous system carries experience across time. When a loss couldn’t be fully processed in the moment—because it was too overwhelming or there wasn’t enough support—the body stores that experience in ways that can be reactivated later.
When there isn’t yet enough capacity to feel the full weight of that loss, the body may respond with anxiety, numbness, or the urge to stay busy or shut down.
This doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means something meaningful is being remembered, and the system is doing its best to protect itself.
“I Just Need to Get Through the Day”
Many people cope with anniversaries by “getting through” them. They stay busy, distract themselves, use coping strategies to manage symptoms, or count down the hours until the day passes.
But white knuckling is a form of survival, not a sign of integration.
I often hear people describe anniversaries as reminders of everything they’ve lost or as evidence of how much harder life has become. While that may reflect deep love, it can also be a sign that the body hasn’t gotten the message that the loss is no longer happening.
There’s often more happening beneath the surface. Grief and emotion may still be living in the body, without having had enough support to be fully processed and integrated.
When this is the case, anniversaries can still feel overwhelming. The sense of loss may continue to eclipse everything else.
When Therapy Helped but Didn’t Settle the Body
It’s common to have done meaningful grief work and still find anniversaries difficult.
This doesn’t mean that work failed. The love remains.
Often, it addresses the story of the loss but not the body’s experience of it. In those cases, the nervous system may still be responding as if the loss is happening now.
Insight, language, and coping tools matter. But when grief hasn’t yet settled in the body, it can continue to echo through survival responses.
This is where body-based therapy—like Lifespan Integration—can support deeper healing.
What Changes With Integration
As grief becomes more fully integrated, anniversaries don’t disappear, but the experience of them begins to shift. Anxiety often softens. Emotional responses feel more proportional and easier to hold.
In my own journey through grief, certain anniversaries once felt like emotional landmines. I still feel sad, but now I can meet my emotions with more presence and softness. As integration has deepened, I’ve noticed my body is more at rest.
As my capacity to sit with difficult emotions has grown, I’ve learned to move through these days from a more balanced place. Grief is still there, but it no longer blocks the possibility of living more vibrantly.
You Don’t Have to White-Knuckle Your Way Through It
If anniversaries bring anxiety, even years later, it doesn’t mean you’re doing grief wrong. It may mean your system is asking for deeper, more compassionate support.
Lifespan Integration and other somatic approaches help anchor the nervous system in the present moment. What once felt stuck in time can begin to soften and move.
If you’d like support in making sense of what your body still remembers through anxiety therapy, please reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation to explore whether we might be a good fit.
With care and compassion,
Jacquelyn
Written By Jacquelyn Baker
Space for Grief — Renton, WA
In-person & online therapy across Washington
