Facing the Holidays After a Loss
Gentle Support for Your First Holiday Season
If you're heading into the holidays after a recent loss, you're not alone—and you're not doing it wrong if you have days where it feels impossible.
The first season after a death, separation, or major change often brings unexpected waves of pain, numbness, and disorientation. While the world speeds up with holiday plans and pressures, you might feel like everything inside you has slowed down—or stopped entirely.
Grief is hard.
And it’s okay if nothing about this season feels okay.
This post offers gentle suggestions to help you navigate the next few weeks with a little more space and self-compassion. You don’t have to do all of these—or any of them. But if something resonates, take what you need.
Let Yourself Feel What You Feel
There’s no “right” way to grieve, especially during the holidays.
You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, relief, or moments of warmth and laughter—sometimes all in one day. You might want to talk about what you’re feeling a lot. Or not at all.
The most healing path often starts with permission:
To not be okay
To cry in the middle of a crowded store
To feel nothing, or everything, or both
To skip traditions—or change them entirely
Say What You Need (and What You Don’t)
It’s okay to let others know how you’re doing and what you need. You might say:
“I’d love to hear your memories of them.”
“I’m not up for this event, but I’d like to connect another time.”
“Please don’t try to cheer me up—I just need space to feel what I’m feeling.”
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s an act of kindness and it’s also survival.
Honor Their Memory in Small, Personal Ways
Some people find comfort in incorporating their loved one into the season. You might:
Light a candle in their honor
Prepare a favorite recipe
Create a small ritual or photo space
Volunteer or donate to a cause they cared about
Write them a letter or holiday card
These acts don’t have to be big. The goal is to gently make room for what matters to you.
Let Yourself Off the Hook
You don’t have to force joy, meet everyone’s expectations, or make the holidays “meaningful.”
You are allowed to survive this season however you need to.
Maybe that means saying no to events. Or sleeping more. Or streaming old shows and ordering takeout.
Grief is exhausting—and your nervous system is already working hard. Be tender with yourself.
When the Season Stirs Up More Than You Expected
Sometimes the holidays bring up not only sadness, but also trauma:
Painful memories tied to this time of year
Past relational wounds or emotional neglect
Losses that didn’t feel safe or supported
At Space for Grief, I offer Lifespan Integration therapy, a gentle, somatic (body-based) approach that helps your system better process grief and past pain while also expanding inner resilience. This work can help you:
Move through waves of sadness with more regulation
Integrate memories that still feel stuck in the body
Build internal safety so the season doesn’t feel so raw
You don’t have to push your grief down—or face it alone.
Gentle Support for a Tender Season
If you’re grieving this holiday season, know this:
You are not too much.
Your pain is not a problem to fix.
And you don’t have to do this alone.
At my practice in Renton, WA, I offer trauma-informed, compassionate grief therapy. My office is located in Renton for in-person sessions, and I also offer online therapy for clients across Washington State—including therapy for grief and support through your first holiday season and beyond.
When you're ready, I'm here.
