Dear Griever at the Holidays
The holidays carry a promise — lights, laughter, and the hope of connection. But for many, they also stir up sorrow and a deep ache.
Memories rise. Absences feel louder. Even people who are doing “well” often find this season harder than expected.
Loss, longing, and complicated family ties can make a time meant for cheer feel hollow — especially in a world shaped by happy holiday images and social media highlights. If you’re grieving this season, you’re not alone.
If you're carrying grief that feels heavy, invisible, or hard to name, this letter is for you.
Your sorrow deserves space.
Your longing, your memories, your pain — they deserve to be held.
Grief doesn’t always come from death. It can come from a loved one fading into dementia, a relationship that’s changed, a dream lost, or the ache of estrangement, infertility, or being single in a season that centers on families.
If you’re missing someone — or something — that once brought you belonging, know this: your grief is real.
And it matters.
You Don’t Have to Disguise What Hurts
The world often promotes more cheer. Holiday movies have tidy endings where everything falls into place — and that longing for a softer story can tempt you to step over your broken heart. There’s pressure to smile, to show up, to feel grateful and joyful.
But I’m inviting you to be more authentic — to feel your sorrow.
Grief doesn’t follow the calendar. It doesn’t pause for tradition or expectations.
You don’t need permission to feel what you feel. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
If you need space, quiet moments, or solitude — it’s okay. Be gentle with yourself. Try to honor what you need.
You don’t have to pretend everything is fine.
Your sorrow is sacred. It deserves to be met with tenderness.
Gentle Invitations (Not Obligations)
If you're feeling the weight of the season, here are a few ways to tend to your heart. These are not prescriptions — just gentle invitations:
Light a candle for the person or presence you’re missing.
Take a breath and pause when things feel too loud or too much.
Write a letter — to someone you’ve lost, or to yourself.
Speak honestly if someone asks how you're doing. “Not great” is enough.
Rest. Choose not to attend every gathering. Step away when needed.
Create a memory ritual if it feels comforting. Make their favorite dish. Play their song. Hang an ornament in their honor.
Reach out to someone who gets it — a friend, a therapist, a support group. You're not meant to carry this alone.
Move your body — take a walk and enjoy some quiet time in nature. Let your body help hold what words cannot.
Whatever grief feels like for you this season — quiet or loud, fresh or familiar — know this: what you’re holding may not look like someone else’s grief, but it is yours and it is real.
It deserves space.
You’re Not Alone
If your holiday season feels heavy with missing — a missing voice, a missing future, a missing place in your life — try leaning into the longing and the ache.
My encouragement is to allow yourself to weep. There is healing in releasing your tears. But lean into what works for you.
It’s counterintuitive, but feeling the depth of our emotions helps us move through them.
Please remember — love remains, even in absence. Honoring it is an act of courage and care.
At my practice in Renton, WA, I work with people facing both visible and invisible grief. I offer trauma‑informed grief therapy and lifespan integration therapy to help clients carry what hurts — with compassion and presence.
Whether your loss is fresh or decades old — whether it’s clear or hard to name — you are not alone.
Grief doesn’t need to be fixed.
It needs kindness.
It deserves a place at the table.
I see you. I’m with you.
With kindness and compassion,
Jacquelyn-
If this season feels especially heavy, please know you don’t have to carry it alone.
At Space for Grief, I offer trauma‑informed grief therapy and body‑based support to help you move through pain with care. Reach out anytime — I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
Written by Jacquelyn Baker
